Tag Archives: Possession

Polygamy Unpicked – But I Just Can’t Accept Polygamy

Post taken from Polygamy Unpicked – Original linked here

Why is it so hard to accept polygamy? Why is so excruciating to share my husband? When will I be able to feel OK about my husband having another wife?

One reply to these sorts of questions I came across really struck me: you first have to accept you don’t own your husband.

 

‘But of course I don’t own him!’

Well, we ideally don’t want to admit this, but there is often a sense of ownership there – ‘He’s my husband’, ‘He’s my other half’. ‘He’d never take a second wife, he wouldn’t dare!’

When we feel we own something, we have power over what happens to it. But no one owns anyone – Islam promotes abolishing slavery – and we are only owned by Allah (SWT), we are His slaves.

Our husband is not our possession, our children are not even so; they are a trust to take care of from Allah

What we do possess is a relationship between us and our husband – and no one can take that away, bithnillah, even another wife entering the family. What may spoil this relationship is the resentment a husband might possess from feeling owned.

It’s understandable to feel threatened by another wife, by the imaginings of what your husband thinks of you because of his polygamous desires, but if he makes the effort to show you he still loves you as much as before, that your relationship has not changed. He deserves to be respected and not treated in a controlling way that pushes him away. ‘If you marry another wife, I’m leaving,’ or ‘If you want polygamy, I want a divorce.’ These threats will be seen as controlling and manipulative, and if there is no other valid reason to end the relationship, they are best avoided.

When we recognize that only Allah (SWT) has the power to allow your husband to get into polygam,y and whatever we say or do will not change the outcome, there can be a sense of peace, especially for those whose husband seems to be pursuing a subsequent wife on a regular basis. Of course, we can communicate our feelings and hurt about the situation – maybe there is something a husband can say or do to ease the pain.

When we relinquish ownership of our husband, we also gain the freedom ourselves to accept polygamy. We then realize our husband chooses to come back to us, not because he is chained in a relationship, but because he wants to and he wants you.

I know being in this situation is hard, and can feel painful to your core – you just want it to go away. I hope some of the perspectives I am writing about ease that pain a tiny bit. Do let me know if this is the case, or any other comments you may have down in the comments section, or join the discussions on our Facebook page and follow Polygamy Unpicked on Twitter

 

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Abu Ibraheem Hussnayn – Common Ruqyah Related Scams

If you’re seeking ruqyah from someone then beware of the following bad practices and don’t let anyone take advantage of you:

● Charging extortionate amounts for ruqyah – yes it is permissible to charge but be careful of those who vary their prices wildly depending on how gullible you sound. In my opinion £60 for a ruqyah session is ridiculous – unless the raqi is travelling out and his travel expenses are included. Or if you’re paying that much then do not accept a 20 minute or half hour session. £60 should bring at least 90 minutes of recitation in my opinion. On average, £30 is reasonable for a session but no session should ever be 20 minutes long. If the raqi can’t give you more time then he shouldn’t book you in. Simple.

● Charging money and then holding group sessions – if you’ve paid your money then you should have the total attention of the raqi. Do NOT pay money and then accept group sessions. Or at best, pay £10 for a group session at most. This is a common instance of these sharks trying to make as much money as possible. They have 10 people, each of whom has paid 20 – 40 pounds. Absolutely outrageous.

● Block booking sessions – telling you that you need 10 sessions and booking you in and taking a deposit or the full amount. Tell them to fear Allâh.

● Doing “ruqyah” on the house and then charging obscene amounts for walking around and “purifying” your home. You have 2 situations revolving around the house

1. There are jinn living in the home and they think the house belongs to them or they dont want to have anyone in that home along with them. They’ll cause problems to try to get the people out of that place.

2. The jinn are there because they are affecting the people e.g. sihr related. In this situation even if the person moved to a cave the problems would persist.

How to deal with the issue.

For case 1. You wud need to recite baqarah in the home regularly, make adhaan regularly, do a lot of superogatory prayers etc. This is not a one off “ruqyah” on the house because they might leave for that period when the raqi is there. But they can easily come back

For case 2. Make ruqyah on yourself. Reciting on the home will do nothing at all.

● Touching the woman in disgraceful ways and then saying it’s due to necessity. There is NO need to touch a woman in ruqyah unless an exceptional circumstance arises.

● Claiming to be able to cure all illnesses and claiming they are qualified – there is NO qualification for becoming a raqi and if the person claims to be curing all illnesses then they have serious problems with their aqeedah.

● Bringing “specialist” sheikhs and then charging ridiculous amounts to be seen by them – often the sheikh himself is unaware of the crazy figures these people are charging – yes, they have knowledge and experience and we respect them. But by Allah, they cannot cure you, nor will they recite a special ayah from the book of Allah which you cannot do yourself

Myself and Muhammad Tim have been trying for years to demist this smokey field of ruqyah for the masses. It has made us extremely unpopular with the “raqis” but frankly we couldn’t care less. This is for Allâh. This is to help our brothers and sisters. This is to give people the tools to help themselves. This is to prevent innocent people from being extorted.

Please. If you or a family member are in need of ruqyah then seek knowledge, learn, practice and take charge of the treatment yourselves. This is exactly why me and Muhammad work alone and don’t associate with any other raqi. Of course this doesn’t mean that good, genuine brothers don’t exist because I’m sure they do and they’re much better and more knowledgeable BUT it’s an absolute minefield.

Just be careful and use your common sense. And perfection is with Allâh alone and He knows best.