‘FEAR ALLAH IN DEALING WITH YOUR SPOUSES’

A’ishah (RadhiAllahu ‘anha) reported that He (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) said:

“The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.”
Collected by Tirmidhi and ad-Darimi, and Ibn Majah from Ibn Abbas, authenticated by Shaykh Al-Albani in Sahih Sunan at-Tirmidhi

He also instructed men concerning women in his farewell address given at the time of his last pilgrimage to Mekkah:

“Fear Allah in dealing with your women because you have taken them in your trust by Allah’s permission and sex with them has been made lawful to you by (your mention) of Allah’s name in (your marriage ceremonies).”
Recorded in Sahih Muslim

Both partners in marriage should treat one another in a kind fashion in order to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the home. The husband need not exercise his authority in a rough or arrogant way which might encourage the wife to react by being intentionally disobedient. The Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) said,

“Whoever believes in Allah and the last day should not hurt his neighbour and should admonish women in a good way for they have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is its upper part. If you try to force it straight, it will break; if you leave it alone, it will remain crooked. so give advice to women accordingly.”
Recorded in Sahih Bukhari

This is, due to a woman’s fragile emotional make-up which is ideally suited for child rearing but generally unsuited for ultimate authority, she may wrongly disobey or contradict her husband. Under the influence of her monthly cycles, she may be contrary or high-strung and this make bad decisions or unreasonable statements. This is a fact of life which men must allow for and deal with gracefully and not harshly. Regarding the aspect of harmony in married life, Allah has said,

“… Live with them [Women] in equity…”
Quran translation, Surah an-Nisa, 4:19

It is important for man and woman to live together in friendship and harmony, bearing the misfortunes or calamities which might befall one or the other or the family as a whole. It goes without saying that a woman should happily and peacefully fulfill her obligations to her husband, keeping in her mind the fact that she is basically an equal partner sharing rights and obligations with her man. Allah expressed this fact as follows:

“…And women have rights corresponding to the obligations on them, according to what is equitable…”
Quran translation, Surah al-Baqarah, 2:228

Taken from pages 28-30, ‘Polygamy in Islam’ by Jameela Jones and Sheikh Bilal Philips

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